wanted to find somebody to let the steam off, but everytime, EVERY FRIGGIN TIME, i wanted to sms somebody i'll be like "what if this person is busy? what if this person is spending time with ossum bunch of people and i'm there, bothering him/her about my sad sad very sad pathetic situation? and i don't think sharing about my sad sad very sad pathetic situation will do this person any good eh?" T___T do you guys understand my dilemma now??!! i need my zen!!!
i remember talking to this guy, who happens to be the owner of this longhouse that we stayed at during our field research few weeks ago. he was a graduate from psychology (i think) major. so i asked a few things about myself. what does he see when he looked at me? what was his 1st impression about me? he told me, i was the 1st person among all my 9 other friends that he remembered. 1; it's because the 1st time i saw him, i said something like "man, this guy look so scary!" well i didn't realize i said it out loud!! haha so he remembered me right there & then. 2ndly, i was the one who contacted him during the whole process of booking the rooms. i was the middle person. so he remembered my voice. 3rdly; he noticed that i am a very talkative person, easy to get along with, a very fun person. 4thly; i have the leadership quality in me (... i don't know abt this u_u) and he also told me that, in the outside world, i most probably won't have any problem adjusting myself to the people, the environment, the society.
1 thing that bugged me throughout the whole, heart-to-heart sharing, if i can call it that, is... well, the sole question that i really wanted to ask, how do i open up to people?
I know i may look like a very extrovert type, well maybe i do, especially when it comes to socializing with people, talking about light & easy things. but when it comes to talking about topics that is a little bit deeper than i usually talked about, i can feel myself shutting up. it's like, i am scared to say anything and even feared that i will blurt out something involuntarily. I did that once before, talking about something that i shouldn't, but i think i should in a way, but maybe i shouldn't (YOU GET WHAT I MEAN??!!) and i went home regretting everything that i told to that said person. at the same time though, i can feel this heavy weight lifting up from my shoulder. it's the spur of the moment thing i suppose. i was too relaxed and my said friend was relaxed too and sharing stuff related to life. i guess i really did get caught up with the moment. but i assure you, this kind of moment doesn't happen very often in my life u_u
so back to the said topic, i wanted to ask him about this problem of mine, but i don't know what happened in the end, everything just went wrong! well not really. basically in the end, the answer that i really want never came.
but so far, i am blessed with a good friend that will constantly ask me about stuff. things that i will never thought of asking others, and this in a way, trained me, albeit very slowly, into opening up to people even more. well people being that said friend only so far LOL but i am trying!!!
*sigh* was really in a very very bad mood today. so i want to apologize to those (especially my twitter follower) that saw my rant/ bitch anywhere online T_T i swear i don't do it THAT often. so please forgive me.
good bye T__T