Pour it all

I recently bought a new note/sketchpad. it measures 10.5x10.5 cm. It's a very cute book if i dare say so myself. The cover had my initial on it. well initial to my 1st name. a big, rainbow-colored, letter "i". Friend persuaded on me getting this since it was a close call between another different design (though i am pretty sure he said that just so he can get my arse away from the stationery section) I swear, every time i went to the stationery section, it's like hunting for treasure. ok more like finding treasures but have limited space in your knapsack or something -Or in my case, a downside on my economic state- so you'd have to make a life altering decision in which treasure to bring back with you. Le sigh.

I was thinking of filling this baby with things that i have hard time saying out loud, but seeing how i always leave my stuff laying around, so that plan was a no go. Maybe someday, when i have my own place, i'll start keeping diaries. For now, i'll settle with writing down parts of song lyrics that gave me that pang, some interesting facts & quotes, random drawings & facts about myself. You can say this is a part of my effort in discovering myself. i suppose.

Holiday is not ending anytime soon. I'm getting tired of it. 3 month holiday is just too much. So far, the things that i have done during my free time;

• draw
• sleep
• more sleep
• watch videos
• eat
• went out with friends (seldom)
• clean room (3 days, and not even close to finishing)
• ...play with phone (breaking personal record in tap sonic)
• tv
• more tv
• read books on my mobile phone (books that will probably not improve my vocabulary range whatsoever)

Finding part-time job is one of the option, but i don't have the transport. so that would be a bit of a problem. Some friends suggested opening commissions, but lately my drive in drawing went a little bit downhill. 

what the hell happened?!

p/s craving for a good cinnamon roll

what procrastination made me do lately

i've never been 1 to fall into the world of girly ness... not that i don't HAVE the desire to be all girly, i am a girl afterall LOL but apart from I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW well, i guess most of the style that i rather opt for are all so dull & plain. BUT I LIKE IT! hahaha irked my friend because of this fact. she was like "i need to teach you how to be more girly!!!"

even most of my cosmetics (if i can even call them that) it's either i bought it because it is an essential, or because of the packaging, which often happen. and also because of assignments. like those 2 nail polish up there hahaha. though i'm pretty sure i bought the brown one because i wanted to split a big rm50 note.

ifa... oh ifa. tsk tsk tsk XD

considering cutting my hair extremely short :3 give me 1 week to think 1st. mmhmmm.

another weekend foray

my friend Alice contacted me & asked whether i wanna hang out with her on saturday or not, so i said SURE.

had to wake up very early since it's a long drive to her place (she didn't know that LOL) so the 1st place we head to was Suria Sabah since she's never been there before :) my attempt in trying out Fullhouse went down the drain again T__T i seriously think i should go only on weekdays since it seems impossible to even try & go there on the weekends =_= so we head to Upperstar. its been awhile haha.

ordered the normal dish grilled chicken with an extra baked mushroom soup. let's just say my friend enjoyed her meal & nothing can make me happier than a satisfied stomach be it my own or someone else lol.

both of us were practically typing away on our smart devices like crazy haha checking in on fb, instagraming LOL people nowadays pfft

after filling in our stomachs, decided to walk around for a bit. i didn't buy anything as nothing really interest me here, and those that really do, cost a fortune! lol so i just let my friend shop. afterwards, went to another shopping mall since i wanted to get myself drawing tools. but bugger it all, the stationery shop was closed =_= wtf! and another shop didn't sell what i wanted. managed to get myself a toolbox for my brushes & paints though. so i guess it was not a failed day afterall. Left my friend with her pedicure activity haha looking at her being happy made me happy XD and we talked a lot. about life. about friends. about how pretty her nails are (pfft) and how lucky we are to know each other :)

it's hard for me to find a girlfriend that i can really click with! most of my friends are guys and so far, i can actually count with only 1 hand the amount of girlfriends that i can really talk with and most of them are not even from my own course... so lonely somehow. i asked her opinion on this matter and she said it's probably the way i think and do things. it's not like the other girls. well i do admit i am more open with a lot of things compare to other girls in class i suppose & i just love to talk (but do more listening than talking) haha BUT!! it doesn't matter! yeah! slowly ifa. slowly.

after she has done her pedicure, dinner! went to this place called La Viva cafe / Fatty Chef. I hv to say, the atmosphere in this restaurant is just so romantic! hahaha this warrants for some photos!!! pardon me for the color inconsistencies. some i edited with photoshop, some i didn't... some i just took from instagram LOL

friend's beef watan hor. can't remember the price haha.

mee mamak RM12

I'll give it a... 2.4 out of 5 i suppose. it tasted ok actually. normal. mmm. and my drink is a tad sour :T but all in all, it was ok. couldn't finish it tho haha.

after that i remembered my mom asked me to buy her stuff from kaison! so thank goodness i'll be passing another shopping mall on my way to sending my friend back. so we decided to make 1 last stop at 1Borneo. that's 3 shopping malls in 1 day!! hahaha!! went to kaison, didn't find the thing i was looking for (brilliant) almost, ALMOST wanted to get myself Karamell Almondo's vanilla ice cream, but i'm proud of myself for not falling into the temptation XD Alice wanted to drink starbucks to keep her awake at night for assignment sake, so OK! head to the new starbucks at ground floor.

Alice were happily choosing what to drink & i was a bit disappointed looking at the selections of food they have. NO SHEPHERDS PIE. BLASPHEMY. hahaha! and then this guy was like "hey, i remember you. do you remember me?" i was a bit blur after he said that, so i wrecked my brain in thinking where i have met him before, to no avail. "you remember! we met before! you were with my friend, that tall guy with glasses?" ...... "OH!!!! YOU!!! i remember you!!! u worked upstairs before right?!" , "yeah! welcome to the new starbucks shop!" i was so hyped up people actually remembered my face! hahahaha when i don't .__. guilty. ahem. but we talked & talked. conclusion? he's a nice guy! hahaha promised him i'll get back there for the starbucks membership card XD and i shall! just not anytime soon. LOL.

OH! it's that guy! lol

i am pretty tempted to get this card. just scared i won't be using it to it's full benefit. but rm20 for a lifetime membership? 8D WHY NOT???!! will drop by again some other time.

that's it. it's very nice to go out with someone who won't go "omg, this place looks so expensive! lets not get inside!" or "omg!!!!! the food here is so expensive! let's find some other place" once in awhile. i mean, it's never a crime to just get into an expensive looking shop to look around! nobody is forcing you to buy anything! hahhaha and if expensive food means quality, then i don't see a problem in that. you are consuming something that will get into your body!!! the least you could do is to make sure it is safe & clean & good. RIGHT? RIGHT!!!!!?? //facepalm// but i could've sworn i heard my wallet weeping in misery afterwards hahaha

overall? i had fun! : ) THANKS ALICE <3

blaahh

can't seem to sleep. kept thinking about a lot of things in bed. about my class. about the drama in class. assignments (even though i was rather reluctant in starting any of them haha). my language proficiency, especially english & chinese i suppose ._. my life. and basically all those typical stuff that i don't really bother about most of the time.

but it's not all the thinking what bothers me the most, it's the fact that i'm not doing anything but just lying on the bed, like a dead person that irks me.

had this argument in class regarding our corporate shirt. i just don't get the whole deal about it. i mean, so majorities don't like the color. so what? it's not like the decision is impossible to change. you don't agree with the design? change. you don't like the color? change. you don't like everything? god help me, you really need help. haha. NO i am not blaming anybody here. it's never wrong to voice out your opinion, but i would prefer voicing out any objections face-to-face rather than posting it up in any social network online. You know how it is with voicing out opinions with texts. different people will have different interpretations on things. so arguments could happen any friggin time. everytime i read any messages concerning this issue on my class' fb group, it's like, waltzing across a room covered with land mines.

my point is, i'm not gonna be on anybody's side. I'm gonna be standing alone. on the neutral side of the room. it's all purely logical. all this just because of 1 shirt design? i don't understand. haha

can i talk about something different? sure i can. I don't get it how people can wake other people up from a nap without feeling any guilt (unless they requested to be woken up that is). I sorta fell asleep the other day outside the class while waiting for the classroom door to be opened, and to be honest, i don't like it when people disturbs me when i nap & without a reason! if just for the sake of greeting me, honestly, you could save that for later. also 1 of my pet peeves, people waking me up, me feeling groggy & annoyed (but hides it skillfully), and you keep on talking to me like i'm oh so interested. don't get me wrong. i love listening to people talk. i really do! but not when i am all moody after you've woke me up without any reason. =_= i get really really annoyed when that happens. seriously. but most of the time, i don't really have problem with ppl waking me up UNLESS there is a reason & i don't really care whether the reason is so unimportant, as long as there is 1.

what else. hmm. I don't like repetitive jokes? i suppose. i laugh easily, but if certain jokes are being repeated over & over again, even the jolly me would have difficulties in laughing it off. gosh! why am i even talking about all this now?!

have a date tomorrow with a friend. i just wish she doesn't live so far away 8,D had to pick her up, which means i have to prepare at least 2 hours early nggfffhhh! but seriously lookin forward to spending a day with friend : ) eventhough the chances are quite bleak, i really wish i could finally give the new Fullhouse restaurant a try!!

right. off to bed.

I'm still not doing anything haha. GOOD NIGHT!!!

in pieces..

my heart broke into pieces today.

i am fighting with myself on whether i should post this up here. but i really think i should. every time something bothers me, i will pour it all down in my blog, but none ever saw the light of day. it's all still in drafts. and i have quite a few of em. i really wish i could say it all out and truthfully here, but i think the problem/ situation i'm facing now is just too stupid to even waste people's time by writing it all down and venting it all out.

heard the news... ok more like SAW the news online, and i totally went jaw drop in front of my computer. gradually, pain invaded my chest, and tears threatening to fall. It really hurts. my chest felt like it was stabbed a thousand times. I cried, tried, but no tears came out, but the sobbing, apparent, that even people who are blind could tell how terribly devastated i was. I tried taking big gulps of air slowly since i think i was hyperventilating. hands shaking. tried my best to close all related pages that started all the mess, and lie down on my bed.

trying my best to cry, but to no avail. chest pain getting even worst. couldn't sleep even though the clock hands almost striking 5am.

deep down, i know this is something not worth worrying about. it's practically stupid. very very stupid. but i couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. i just can't. I wanted to vent it out to somebody, but my friends are either too far away, and there's also that occasional feeling of "i've got nobody to vent this out to", also the "are u kidding me ifa?! your problem is so stupid! it's not even worth mentioning!! spare them your ridiculous troubles!!" I've been keeping a lot of personal problems. ever since i was little i think, i've never been the sort to tell people about my problems. why the heck would i wanna share them some emotional stuff, when i can put a smile on their face??! so little by little, i keep all my problems away. 1 by 1. what frightens me is that, once the "container" is filled, and there is no more space, what would happen? I shudder at the thought of it.

somehow after last night, some part of me has turned inexplicably cold. that part of me that could make me smile even when i am down in the dumps have stopped working. I pray to god that this wretched feeling will go away. I'm just scared that, when the new terms for uni started, i'd have to plaster a fake smile on my face and talk to everybody as if i've got no problems in the world. I'm just so sick of it. very sick of it. my chest is beginning to hurt again.

some friends on twitter have been giving me advice & words of encouragement, asking me to hang out with friends, talk to friends that i won't have trouble talking to. when i run everybody through my head, none came up. it's either they are too far away, or, there is just nobody. i've never felt so lonely in my life. and the thought of sharing my problems with friends that i always shared happy stories with and be the one listening to their problems makes it even more awkward for me to suddenly call them up and share my negative energy. but, i'll give it a shot. what's there to lose eh?

I think one of these days, i need to find myself some counselor and have myself a counseling session. god knows how troubled & twisted person i really am deep down inside. i need some stranger that wouldn't judge me, my stories & my life problem.

*inhale, exhale*

I'm sure it'll all go away soon. that is how i am built. no matter how bad the problem is, i'll always manage to tuck it underneath somewhere. I'm sure i'll get back to my chirpy self soon. for now, let me just sink into my sadness.

*punch walls*

i was very frustrated today. everything seems to anger me somehow. EVERYTHING!! even when somebody asks me a question about where i wanna go, what i wanna eat, you name it!!! it's like, i'm ready to explode any second!! just push the wrong button, and i'll go BABOOOMMM!!!

wanted to find somebody to let the steam off, but everytime, EVERY FRIGGIN TIME, i wanted to sms somebody i'll be like "what if this person is busy? what if this person is spending time with ossum bunch of people and i'm there, bothering him/her about my sad sad very sad pathetic situation? and i don't think sharing about my sad sad very sad pathetic situation will do this person any good eh?" T___T do you guys understand my dilemma now??!! i need my zen!!!

i remember talking to this guy, who happens to be the owner of this longhouse that we stayed at during our field research few weeks ago. he was a graduate from psychology (i think) major. so i asked a few things about myself. what does he see when he looked at me? what was his 1st impression about me? he told me, i was the 1st person among all my 9 other friends that he remembered. 1; it's because the 1st time i saw him, i said something like "man, this guy look so scary!" well i didn't realize i said it out loud!! haha so he remembered me right there & then. 2ndly, i was the one who contacted him during the whole process of booking the rooms. i was the middle person. so he remembered my voice. 3rdly; he noticed that i am a very talkative person, easy to get along with, a very fun person. 4thly; i have the leadership quality in me (... i don't know abt this u_u) and he also told me that, in the outside world, i most probably won't have any problem adjusting myself to the people, the environment, the society.

1 thing that bugged me throughout the whole, heart-to-heart sharing, if i can call it that, is... well, the sole question that i really wanted to ask, how do i open up to people?

I know i may look like a very extrovert type, well maybe i do, especially when it comes to socializing with people, talking about light & easy things. but when it comes to talking about topics that is a little bit deeper than i usually talked about, i can feel myself shutting up. it's like, i am scared to say anything and even feared that i will blurt out something involuntarily. I did that once before, talking about something that i shouldn't, but i think i should in a way, but maybe i shouldn't (YOU GET WHAT I MEAN??!!) and i went home regretting everything that i told to that said person. at the same time though, i can feel this heavy weight lifting up from my shoulder. it's the spur of the moment thing i suppose. i was too relaxed and my said friend was relaxed too and sharing stuff related to life. i guess i really did get caught up with the moment. but i assure you, this kind of moment doesn't happen very often in my life u_u

so back to the said topic, i wanted to ask him about this problem of mine, but i don't know what happened in the end, everything just went wrong! well not really. basically in the end, the answer that i really want never came.

but so far, i am blessed with a good friend that will constantly ask me about stuff. things that i will never thought of asking others, and this in a way, trained me, albeit very slowly, into opening up to people even more. well people being that said friend only so far LOL but i am trying!!!

*sigh* was really in a very very bad mood today. so i want to apologize to those (especially my twitter follower) that saw my rant/ bitch anywhere online T_T i swear i don't do it THAT often. so please forgive me.

good bye T__T

8,D wish for nothing

other than today to pass as quickly as it can

thanks for all the birthday wishes guys!!! 8,D got at least.. 10 wishes. not that i count it, there's not much number to count anyway. did i just sound extremely bitter? HAHAHAHAHA XD i purposely turned off the birthday notification on fb just to see whether anybody could rmmbr my birthday or not without fb's help. i guess only few of my friends does. and I am truly grateful for it 8,D

I also got a gift art from a friend/dA watcher 8,D i can cry now. SOBS thank you very much Twilibird

she drew me minato & souji!!!! 8,D BAAAWWWW!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU! BAWWWWW

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received another one from a friend of mine!!! FFFF!!!!! this drawing really hits the spot!! AUUGGHHH suddenly my birthday seems a lot more brighter LOLOLOL!! THANK YOU MICHIIKA!! ILU!!!

i really like the way her strokes flow 8D and the fact that she made you (i just spelled Yu, YOU wtf!) holds something with my name on it. WITH A HEART SHAPE MIND YOU!! AUUUGGHH MY EYES!

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AND ANOTHER ONE!! this time it's my OC Amaya!! OMG!!!! i can die happy now!!!! 8,D CAN YOU SEE MY TEARS??! CAN YOU??!! thank you Kurimuson!!!!!!!

THE EYES COLORS ARE PERFECT!!!!!!

received another one. i mean.. like seriously.. KELSEY! couldn't believe my eyes when i saw this LOL!! been wishing to color it myself but seems lk i got no time for it smhow. T v T so this is just... perfect!! 8,D i could see it in complete color SOBS!!

thank you kelseeeeeyyyyy!!! *heart heart heart*

yeap.. so that pretty much it. i guess. :T this must've been the least interesting birthday i've had so far. LOL oh well -shrug- NOT ANYMORE LOL!!

8,D today was fun

woke up early & opened photoshop. finished my SiH : Hatori x Chiaki drawing & did some touch up in photoshop u.u

colored version here [link]

the colored version sucks 8,D didn't do them justice at all!! OTL OTL oh well... MOVING ON!!

did livestream too :E what did i draw?

KUSURIURI!!!! AAAUUUGGGHHHH OTL and i manage to sissy-fy him like... WAAAYYYYYY too much OTL should've get rid of that ghey hand OTL 8,D oh well

time: 1 hour 30min +

tool: photoshop :E

i don't even OTL

then went out with my parents. went to a shopping mall. my mom, has been hooked with the twilight saga series OTL (i dun even) so we all went to the dvd store & she bought all 3 dvds. twilight, new moon & eclipse. OTL she is an edward fan hahaha!

as for me, i bought 2 sketch books, bright blue & red inking pen, 1 mecha pencil & a spare putty eraser D: i couldn't find any markers T__T that shop didn't sell markers wtf!! i am sad!! T___T i really wanna get skin tones, & some desaturated green, blue, peach & maybe gray. a bit disappointed.

but managed to get 2 sketch books!!!! i guess it's not a huge failure today. it was hard for me to find a sketch book that really caught my eyes! I love them black hardcover type T v T imagine my face when i finally found some!! (though it still couldn't rival my current sketch book. black hardcover & the whole thing is like... more than 1/2 inch thick 8,D)

also bought those 2 colored pens. i figured since i always use different colors for my artwork's lineart in photoshop, why not try it in real life?! 8D ohooo so yeah!

been doing a lot of traditional work lately. 8,D i'm having serious fun!! aaahhh

p/s finally had a plate of fish & chips today too. been craving for them for so long!! yes.

NOW BACK TO REALITY!! -weeps-

please be safe

T___T as you guys have known abt the tragedy that have fallen on japan. Was quite worried when there was rumors stating that the tsunami will reach borneo too!! and since I was living somewhere in the borneo, and particularly Sabah, that news kinda made me worried you know. to think that i live near the coastal area too!!! OTL OTL OTL i don't even dare look out my window at the sea OTL OTL OTL

so after we heard the news, my dad quickly asked us to save all them important documents 1st. so we brought em all up to the 2nd floor. they said the sea level will increase starting from 6pm till midnight, and it was almost 5 when we were saving all them files n all.

so when i was abt to get out of the house, i looked around at the neighborhood... guess what I saw?

feel like head desk-ing for 1 straight hour believe me OTL OTL THAT UNCLE WAS BURNING HIS RUBBISH CASUALLY!!!!!! I was like...... excuse me~ tsunami? earthquake? japan? stay away from coastal area? hello???????!!!

OTL i don't even. I realized it was not only HIM... basically the whole neighborhood was acting as if nothing happened!!! OTL some was lounging on their balcony, some kids playing football in the park AND EVEN SOME FOREIGNERS PLAYING AT THE BEACH!!!!! WHAT THE FFFF!!!!!!!

well...

at least nothing bad happened... but seriously, if something really big happened here, i dread the death rates OTL seeing by how ignorant they are towards what happened OTL or was it just us, who took things too seriously? OTL OTL i don't even...

but then amidst all the worries & stuff TwT I am happy to received a lot of tweets from my friend asking me to be safe & take cover. SOBS thank you guys!!! Q A Q twitter really really ought to win some award for this. it really is convenient when it comes to incident such as this.

I am grateful to be safe T___T also thankful for having good people all around me SOBS!!!! I wish everything in japan will be fine.

p/s and to those who spreads false rumors concerning people's death....... well, go jump off a building plz =_= ;;;;; wtf

p/ss was REALLY WORRIED ABOUT MY MANGAS!! OTL & computer Q A Q what if things really do happen & I couldn't save em???!!! OMG!!!! life comes 1st i guess SOBS

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on other note,

8D an artist said that my drawings reminds her or give her this feeling of Pallas' rosefinch. OLOLOLOL!! interesting!!!!!

some pictures & what's in my head

did some photography session yesterday...albeit a very poorly done photoshoot 8,D i suck at it so much i don't even... and no, i am not trying to fish for words of comfort either. LOL!! SO HERE!!!!

buruma ish shooo cute 8,D still can't help wondering how she ended up with vegeta. OTL

suno!! she's a cute little girl that helped goku once. rmmbr that snow village & red ribbon? yeah

oolong _-_ no comment. tho he...it..? kinda looked cute here LOL!!

uuhhh should have use the other angle photo, but kinda deleted it ahaa~ oh well...

my fandom for dragon ball OTL OTL OTL OTL OTL it's just too awesome i can't help it!! OTL I also snapped a picture of cloud dissidia version. bought the box thing. you know~ the one which you won't know what you'll get till you open it? ahahaha was hoping I could get either zidane or squall tho PFFFF SAD. well at least it's not tidus.

kinda like his pants. the foldings n all. the details are quite good for a cheap thing... well it's not really cheap OTL affordable once in awhile. i guess...

--------

some of my friends were having this "what was your ambition when you were a little kid?" talk on twitter, and it struck me how I was indecisive now as I was back then T__T ;; i mean... come on!!! i wanted to be a policeman, a doctor, radio host & even anchor woman!! i mean like... SERIOUSLY?!! i can talk loads of crap no doubt PFFFTTT & now... I am still unsure about what I wanna be T_T and I can't even put "when I grow up" at the back of that sentence PFFTT actually, i thnk i have decided on what I wanna do (so not convincing OTL). what I wish I could do & become! but i just.... don't know how to take that 1st step towards my dream!

It's like... I wanna become this but will this bring me to the right path? & by that i meant education wise. i'm getting myself a degree, but, I don't know... I'm really scared of choosing the wrong choice for my major. somebody told me it doesn't matter what degree you wanna get, which university you are enrolling into, the most important thing is the degree cert! and while you are doing that, you can always do some side business like drawing, sell books do something you like etc etc etc etc etc. but i don't want to just get a degree!! I want to learn what i really want to learn!! i wanna make the most out of it! not just for the sake of getting the qualification in the end but during the whole years in uni, i hated everything and wasted my time there without having "fun" and gaining anything out of it. I wanna learn what I am interested in & do side stuff too! life is too short to be wasted on things i don't even wanna do!

so for now, even if i am actually neeting *COUGH* I'm gonna try my best to improve on what I really wanna improve on. learn a lot of things from stuff that i read or have seen. I really really really wanna improve more!!!!! even if it's just for a tiny bit, I really really really wanna get closer to my dream.

so what is my ambition now? I wanna be a happy person, doing things that makes me feel happy & fulfilled. I know some would say "oh keep on dreaming, life is not that simple/easy" then for you who think like this, i really do pity you. ;D

DO YOUR BEST IFA!!!!

PEACE & OUT!!!!!

honestly...

I should stop appearing everywhere =_= i feel so embarrassed that I wanna dig a hole and put myself in the hole, and dig another hole inside the hole (wtf)

can't help it when I like somebody's work, I would wanna keep updated and have some, if you may call it, conversation with em. Also can't help it when I upload my works on tumblr/twitpic, it'll update my twitter & fb page. So it'll look like I am double posting T___T ahh this is so embarrassing. *cover face* also I upload works on dA n pixiv. Somehow this made me looked like i'm trying too hard somehow auugghhh!!!

so I've decided.

dA, pixiv, tumblr - somewhat a more refine works

twitpic, blogs - wip, sketches

yes.

and ifa u_u stop... harassing other artists. *facepalm*

...

suddenly feeling very useless, underachieved, talent-less. basically useless sums up everything.

I am depressed. and thirsty.

something vile

ok, currently addicted to deviantArt even more after Muro finally got released!! O_O it is addicting seriously!!!

so i was doing my usual stuff in dA, look at my pages, clear some comments, visit some cool people's account, and drop by some journals of those that I watched. then I saw this post. It was posted by some... dude and it really vex me how he can talk like that. he did explain about the post after receiving a lot of "protest" kind of comments lol but still... i can never really see it the same way like he did.

link

"How to find an artist:

I recommend looking through art sites such as Deviantart for an artist which suits your taste, or any other site that has a decent art community such as Newgrounds. There’s a few reasons you want to find an artist this way. First of all, they’re cheaper. These guys aren’t used to making a lot of money for their work so they will be more appreciative of the chance even if they are being payed slightly less than what professionals are payed. Second of all, they’re better. The quality of art you can find through this method is pretty amazing, and the vast amount of artists guarantee you will find something that suits your tastes and needs. Unless you have a specific price you want to pay in mind, ask THEM what they are willing to charge for the project. This usually causes people to give offers that are lower than what you normally pay, and will make them happy.

How NOT to find an artist:

Do not look for either professional artists, or an artist that has done a lot of game design work in the past. The problem with artists who do this as their full time job is that they’re usually expensive. Compared to what you can find through art sites, these guys tend to cost an arm and a leg. Artists who have done a lot of game design work are also bad for a similar reason, they know how much flash games can earn so they expect a decent percentage of the profit. It’s ridiculous to pay something 50% of a sponsorship when you can find someone else who would accept $500 for the same job. When your game sells for $10,000, the difference in cost is a multitude of 10.

Artist payment:

Make it clear to whomever you hire that they will not be payed until ALL the work is completed, unless it is completed by a predefined date, and unless it matches or exceeds expectations. Sometimes I have an issues getting all of these things, but if you give someone a job they’re expected to treat it as so even if they’re just a hobbyist. Paying prior to the completion of the project is a bad idea for several reasons. Only paying for the finished work encourages the artist to finish their job faster, if you pay up front the artist has no motivation to finish quickly. Similarly, if you pay up front the artist could disappear and you may never get what you payed for!

Keep them in the dark:

This relates back to what I talked about earlier. If an artist knows how much their artwork will increase the value of the game they will then feel they deserve that amount of money. This is not how a market economy works, you hire whoever is able to do the best job for the lowest amount of money, anything else is a loss of money on your end.

Timelines:

Give strict dates about when you need the art done (even if you don’t) and give consequences by deduction in pay if the art is not completed by the date. Unless the person you’ve hired happens to be very punctual, you will need strong motivation to make sure they finish the art in a timely manner. Try to only hire people ages 18+ (I may sound a little hypocritical here), kids are generally less reliable and have more IRL things come up that they can’t control. I’ve had several bad experiences with this. "

Dillhole.
PLEASE feel free to spread"

I won't let my self esteem, and motivations degrade =_= but this post really is... *strangle people* so people, if you by any chance had a job offer by this dude. run away to the opposite side as fast as you can!! and NEVER EVER look back!

p/s wish I could go to dA's birthday bash >_> i am sad. and still poor. LOL

back bone

is suffering. seriously.

I need a table

I need a chair

I need a place to put my books

I need a place to put my clothes

basically...

I NEED A PLACE OF MY OWN!!!

It is really hindering my creativity and mood to do work. especially with people walking behind me CONSTANTLY. it is EXTREMELY distracting. I dislike it when people look at me doing work. vexing me to the core =_= berdebahrr.

kthnxbai

baaaahhh

life has been rather gray lately. well there is the light streak of colors here and there sometimes, but yeah. somehow my daily routine has been quite... monotonous. wake up, lie on the bed for a few more hours, brush teeth, eat, tv, piano, facebook, draw... and draw... and draw some more. not that I have any problem on the drawing part XD. then... uugghhh i don't feel like elaborating more.

but today is a bit different! went for an early cycle! 8D had fun! wind rushing pass me, quiet neighborhood, ride pass the beach... it was BEAUTIFUL! while a soft tune of Erin Lang playing in my ear while early sunshine dancing on the ocean. CHEWAH!

can't wait to start studying again. so for now, I'm gonna boost up my portfolio like a LOT.

i guess life is not that gray afterall. ;D

WIP

let it go

for once in my life, I wished that I live in the peninsular. I was on duty today for my graduation batch's truck promo, and I was sitting in the Territory's exhibition place when my friend told me there was a kitten outside.

without even thinking of putting on my shoes, I ran towards the specified location -which is thankfully just outside- and touched the kitten. T_T somehow I did feel happy but in the same time, regret and guilt overpowered me as well. When i saw the condition of the kitten, I felt very very sad. it has very gorgeous fur, and very cute paw color, but I just can't take it back home with me. I just can't. Its impossible to do so. i've graduated, and most probably I will get back to Sabah sooner or later, so who will take care of it? abandon it again? like hell, I couldn't do that!!! I don't even trust some certain animal shelter here. so what can I do?

nothing.

sometimes, I hate it when I experience something like this. it's very torturing. it really makes me think "why couldn't I just leave the kitten alone?! if only I didn't touch it in the 1st place!" T___T

I am gonna let it go now. there's no point of me feeling guilty and pity when I can't help the creature. just feeling itself won't get you anywhere. so for once in my life, I wish I stayed here.

let it go ifa, let it go. *exhale*

p/s is missing my cat so badly ;____;

bloody stupid facebook

=_= mentang-mentanglah dah famous, makin teruk pula the sevice. I can't even upload photos!!!! is it MY problem or what??? LOOK AT THIS!!!!!

both safari n firefox oso FB looks like shit!!! stupid!!!!!!!! I am very pissed now =_= xx it's been like this for almost 2-3 days already! sometimes ok~ sometimes looks like some prehistoric lookin' page =___= ; i am pissed. is this my problem? can somebody tell me??? before I continue with my curses and all. orz

Video Games Live

I know I will regret if i didn't go to this epic event and I am deeply regretting it now. the only way to cure this deep regret? wait for the next one and don't care any shit whether I have any company or not to attend this glorious glorious event. T__T

I am dead serious.

is feeling down again.

i can see nothing

was watching House md. finished season 5 recently. even with all his usual House attitudes, but i envy him. I envy him for having Wilson and Cuddy. I really envy him.

You can dream yes?

I was seriously bored today. don't feel like doing anything, lazing around rotting away... but then a brilliant idea came up!! well maybe it's not really brilliant, but good enough for me to indulge in rather than lying on my bed like a dead body.

Went to some peoples blog. their trips and journeys. so fun. •___• yet here I am, bored as hell. what i feel like doing now?

1- go on a trip myself. ANYWHERE. anywhere but here.

2- go on a trip with family! ANYWHERE but here. most preferably some place where the temperature has the ability to drop more than 0ºc ¬_¬. i'm currently bored and sweating now. great.

3- I wanna go japan. and korea... asian country is always the best no? *wink*

4- migrate there immediately ¬_¬ i wish. pfft.

5- learn korean language? maybe. or maybe japanese? I seriously have the urge to learn other languages!!!! SERIOUSLY!! TAT just that got no chance to do it yet. maybe after everything is over?

6- I wanna eat pasta and salmon sushi now. really.

7- Learn animation •____• 2D, 3D... both sounds interesting.

8- feel like rolling around in the snow and autumn's leaves. this is in my dreams-that-seriously-have-to-be-achieved list. seriously.

9- improve my drawing skill. but currently feeling lazy to open photoshop. ugh.

10- ...eat choco banana parfait. •_•

11- i wanna go somewhere where carrying a camera is a necessity =_=

...

well actually I'm just bored!! people can dream no? ;D

and try to achieve it.