huge hit

this is a very emo post btw...don't read if you don't want to... not worth wasting your time...

feeling of disappointment, shocked, sad, angry hit me all in 1 time. it is really excruciatingly painful. very very disappointed... very disappointed... i've never felt so, unappreciated in my entire life... the feeling is too overwhelming until i can't really hold it. it's very very painful.... my entire point of view has changed. as what Mr.Darcy said in Pride&Prejudice, "my good oppinion once lost, is lost forever". 

i'm not the type of person that will tell people how i really felt whenever I'm sad, or hurt. I don't want them to share that negative feeling. I laugh. I smile....I smile.... I just suck at expressing my other emotions other than happy... one of my friend asked me "you didn't cry ah when she(lecturer) rejected all your work?" and I said no, "woah...you so strong!" in a way...yes. but in reality, even the simplest thing can make me feel sad. things that people won't even notice. things that people take lightly of. Whenever I wanna tell a person that they hurt me, I will end up thinking "maybe they're just joking, or maybe... for them it's just a normal way to say things...or maybe..." maybe... so i ended up keeping it to myself. but sometimes, the emotion can't be cover up with fake expressions, thus lack of social interactions, lack of words usage, lost of appetites, and my whole body will be very very very exhausted. it's like, my body is trying to take a load of heavy burden and the feeling of lethargy came crashing like a huge ocean waves. I feel like spilling it all to someone, but everytime i will think of an excuse "aiya..later they say i so like to rant...and wat if they think it's troublesome?! nvm lah..." this is just like a coin bank... it keeps feeling up... and in the end, there's no more space. and what will happen by then? I couldn't help wondering.

I can type something so emo if i want to. but what for? there's no point of letting people feel bad just because you do...just that this time...i really feel very down and i just need to throw a piece of "coin" in a corner somewhere.

so yeah..i'm just too tired.

for sure i'll still be the same average loud ifa tomorrow...

*****

 

on a second note!! had fun with my video group today! apart from all the near-death-humiliation part.... everything is fine! we might not be the best today (or maybe in the very final) but we tried! doesn't matter if we get low grades... as long as the experience and the time that we spent together is engraved in our memory and not to forget the knowledge & skill we learned, who cares about grades? A B C D E F ... life is not just about these alphabets. screw it.

yeah... I lack of sleep. I think i better get some shut eye b4 tmrw. 

toodles~

*trivia (lol)* whenever I'm moody, my English will sound better than normal time lol!! dunno why..